Why did you decide to write a book for parents?
I have worked with young children, and their parents, for many years and over time I have seen the demands of modern life bring increasing pressure to bear on parents; so much so that for many parenting is seen as a daunting prospect in today’s society. I have been asked many times to give advice on a wide range of topics and felt that it would be helpful to produce an easy reference resource for parents, which covers the most frequently asked questions.
There is a huge amount of reference material available for parents. How does ‘How to Talk to Your Child’ differ?
My book explains how to actually talk and positively interact with children. Much of the other information available is theoretical or comes from a psychological perspective. My book concentrates on the practical, and possible, which all parents can achieve if they are prepared to give their children time. I write from the perspective that I am convinced that effective talking and listening will help parents to address current problems and prevent future ones from developing.
Which topics do you think cause parents the most problems?
Many of the issues that are topical nowadays were non-existent when today’s parents were children. It is issues such as Internet access, discouraging recreational drug use, global warming and even terrorism which parents struggle to explain. Having said this, the perennial topics of getting a child to do their homework or to go to bed when asked still crop up regularly.
In your experience what are the most common subjects parents struggle with?
I believe that parents struggle most when addressing discipline related issues with their children and this is sad because children need, and deserve to be made aware of, boundaries for their own safety and their parents’ sanity.
Which subjects do parents consistently make a mess of?
Parents can become very focussed on trying to ensure that their children should at least match their own achievements, or even out perform them in some way. This can bring enormous pressures into the home. Equally, the parent who abdicates responsibility for setting standards to the school is also likely to meet behavioural challenges head-on at home.
How much emphasis should there be on teachers to tackle some of the issues raised in the book?
Some, but schools have so many responsibilities these days and talking to children should be seen as a priority both at home and at school.
How important is it that parents get their communication right?
I believe that it is crucial. Getting it right from an early age will ensure that parents and children remain friends for life. No one knows what challenges lie ahead, but so many of life’s problems can be resolved through talking.
What age group of child is this book targeted at?
I have focussed on children from the age of three to when they leave primary school.
How does the book advise parents to communicate the arrival of a new sibling in the family?
A new sibling is precious and can divert attention away from the existing children. The key is to share the excitement of the new arrival with his/her siblings, but also to create time when older siblings are given their parents’ undivided attention. There are many jobs, such as helping at bath time, which an older sibling can get involved with, which will make them feel special too. Some sibling rivalry may be inevitable but this is completely normal and should be treated as such.
Do you have some general advice that parents can take on board when communicating with their children?
Do not be afraid of being honest. If you don’t know the answer then say so, but be sure to say that you will think things through and talk about the subject again very soon. Also, try not to show any reaction; appearing shocked will stop a conversation in its tracks. Finally, stick to your targets. Wavering is perceived, by even the youngest of children, as a sign of weakness.
Are there any questions you dread being asked by children?
Not really. If they ask a difficult question I see it as a complement because they feel that I am a safe person to whom they can reveal their emotions and anxieties. This is what all parents should aspire to. By listening, being non-judgemental and giving their children time, parents are investing in the future. We all want to remain good friends with our children.
The Book
The book is divided up into the following sections, enabling the reader to go quickly to the relevant chapter:
- House rules and behavioural issues
- Milestones
- Relationships
- Feelings and emotions
- Anxieties
- Health and safety
- The wider world
The Author
Mrs Penny Oates is a head teacher in Cambridge who has been involved in education for 25 years.
The book is available from Amazon.co.uk
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